Okay, it's past time.
With just 10 months to transform myself from Queen Frosting of my own Candy Land Kitchen to — I can barely type through the tears — Mother of the Bride, I am saying "I do."
I do vow, I do promise to say no to sugar. Call it a bittersweet New Year's Resolution. Call it nearly impossible. Call it off...no, no, kidding, just kidding.
This resolution means no more sugary food until I bake the wedding cake (not that I am going to nibble at the layers, but I do need to check frosting flavor levels).
Let this sink in...no sugar, meaning egads, no chocolate, until October? Yikes! Queen Frosting can barely get through no-sweets during Lent.
Why shun sugar month after month? A big reason. I don't want the Mum's bum to be table talk at the reception.
So, dear readers, what are your food-related New Year's Resolutions?
More fresh veggies? Less couch potato?
Any plans to go nuts, tasting the trend towards consumption of almonds, walnuts, pistachios, etc.? Did you read the recent news about a study that found that nuts are not only good for your health, but may help people lose weight. Nuts are high in fats, but good, monounsaturated fats, and they are a good source of fiber and protein. Nuts come with a bonus: the satisfying crunch factor.
How about food-related resolutions that show respect for others, such as your co-workers? Sometimes, when annoying noises -- Frito chomping, gum cracking, finger nail clipping -- drown out the sound of office typing, I want to shout "Needs more cow bell."
Instead, might we suggest some foodie reminders, suggestions for "let's make resolutions to make the world a better place."
Hungry for chips? The ones sliced and salted into crisps of deliciousness? Perhaps you could chew and crunch those in your car, out of earshot of your co-workers. And tapping the upside-down bag to lick the last of the crumbs? Okay, we'll find no fault there. Who among us hasn't done that a time or two?
Some food seems like natural no-nos for the workplace, don't you think? Sardines come to mind. Ditto stinky cheeses that would send mice running -- in the opposite direction. Making a New Year's Resolution to avoid lunching at your desk with such smelly items could be welcomed as special gifts of kindness (yep, just asking for anchovies stuffed into my coffee cup, aren't I?)
An unscientific, informal poll of area residents showed that just days into 2014, several people were struggling to keep their healthier-eating New Year's Resolutions. To them, we say "Step away from those Twinkies. Turn off the deep fryer. Try to at least keep the resolutions for, say, half a year." And with (alas, we are not making this up) Easter candy already on store shelves, can county fair concession stands be far behind?
Other people tend to take food-related New Year's Resolutions with a spoonful of yuck-it-up soup, peppered with chuckles. They promise to avoid, completely, platters of liver and onions; bowls of breaded butterfly wings, or any trendy dish associated with "umami," or savory, the so-called fifth taste. Back in the day, there were four tastes: sweet, sour, bitter, and salty. Umami boosters, such as miso, Parmesan, and kombu, are said to work well with everything from jams to cookies to stews and steaks.
Hmmmm, yummmmm.....cookies. Perhaps Queen Frosting could experiment (soon) with cookies for the wedding reception dessert table; sampling would be a must.
Fine, never mind. That would break the vow, the OMG, "what was I thinking" vow.
For now, I will be polite when offered sweets. "No thanks. I'm allergic to chocolate. If I eat too much, my hips break out."