Article published September 27, 2009
Mercury adds retrograde to make mess in kitchen
Blame Mercury Retrograde for a topsy-turvy dinner party.
After a rough day in the kitchen, it became clear why people eat out: to eliminate the work of shopping, cooking, and the frustrations that can interrupt a planned agenda unexpectedly.
The failures and disappointments that happened while cooking for 10 people were funny the next day. I can’t say they provoked belly laughs, but amusing and curious enough to share.
My friend Fifi has the answer for the mishaps that occurred. It’s Mercury Retrograde, she said with conviction. That’s the two-week period when, astrologically, things can go wrong. I hope she’s right, because it will be over Tuesday and I would hate to go through another day of messy surprises.
About.com explains that the retrograde happens three or four times a year when the planet Mercury slows, and appears to stop and move backward. Besides having things go topsy-turvy, followers recognize it as a time to review and contemplate the past.
The next retrograde is Dec. 26 to Jan. 10, so beware.
The theory is Mercury rules communication, so things can go haywire. Sue Lovett, Toledo astrologer, concurs. “It can affect the phone, the radio, or anything you do in communication. Mercury is a here and now planet. In retrograde, things may be done unhappily, not completed at all, or have to be done twice.”
She said President Obama’s inauguration was during the January retrograde, and it had to be done twice. Astrology followers believe that during this period, be cautious about putting things in writing, like contracts. Add cooking.
I drove 60 miles to a store to buy boneless, skinless chicken breasts that were $2.21 a pound less than they were frozen at the store only six miles away. The $22 savings for 10 breasts paid for the gas. I froze the chicken.
Four days later, I found the the thawed breasts too large for the chicken rolls I was making and that only half the amount was needed. Having five breasts to freeze was good. Having to cut the other five in half for the recipe was a mess.
The ham loaf was the second meat for dinner. I made it and froze it according to the recipe I jotted down in the market. Because the recipe was to be in this column last Sunday, I called Donelda Ford in Morenci, Mich., to ensure its accuracy. When she said, “one cup of milk,” I screamed. Milk?
Milk was not in my recipe nor in my ham loaf. Now Mercury entered. Should I forget it or thaw the loaf and add the milk? Mother always said to do things right. So I thawed, added, mixed, remolded, and cried.
The day brought more incredible challenges.
The chicken halves were pounded thin enough, but when one breast needed to be thinner, instead of moving it to the sturdy chopping block, I pounded it on the wobbly worktable. This upset the bowl of Parmesan cheese and breadcrumbs (the rollups’ coating) and the bowl fell on the floor. Another mess to cry about.
How many times has the sweet potato casserole with a pecan crust been made a day ahead and refrigerated? But there were no pecans in the house, just walnuts. Substitute? Remember what mother said. It was off to the store six miles away.
It gets worse.
Someone was bringing a blueberry pie, but an angel food cake roll with berries and candles would be a sweet way to recognize a guest’s birthday. It is made from a cake mix, so just add water and beat. Wrong.
Whatever happened to the first cake will never be known. It could have been my new oven, the cookie sheet, or beating it more than the 1 minute as instructed. Whatever, when removed from the pan it wasn’t much thicker than a pancake and soggy. I rolled it up anyway, which was no improvement. Stick candles in the blueberry pie and call it a day? It was back to the store for more cake mix. The second, made exactly like the first, was a beauty.
Two more incidents rocked the boat. The table was set for 10, but there were only nine for dinner. The special peach pickles were an even greater personal upset than the ham loaf, the pecans, the crumbs on the floor, and the sad cake roll. They are still in the refrigerator, pretty as a picture, in an antique dish.
I can’t wait until Tuesday when Mercury straightens up.
Mary Alice Powell is a retired Blade food editor.
Contact her at: mpowell@theblade.com.
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