COMMENTARY

Answer Man fields questions from UT to Tiger

4/13/2011

Yo! Answer Man in the house. Back from the Masters, ready for baseball; heck, ready for anything you throw at me. You know how it works. You ask; Ol' Answer answers. So, let's get started. You there, the guy in that WNIT sweatshirt with the giant Rocket on the front, you have the honors.

Thank you, Mr. Answer. I see where two more scholarship players, including our leading scorer, have left the Toledo men's basketball team. That's like nine or 10 players gone since Tod Kowalczyk took over as coach a year ago. Should UT fans be concerned with the lack of stability in the program?

Well, Rocket man, there has been a lot of turnover. But it's not exactly like breaking up the Yankees. This is a team that has won four games in each of the past two seasons and currently has a nifty little 47-game losing streak on the road. No one seems indispensable to Answer. Help is reportedly on the way, and we can only pray, and I mean down-on-our-knees pray, that the JUCO kid Widgett Washington is part of it. I've written about Bridgetts and interviewed midgets, but he'd be my first Widgett. Look, if UT has another sewer-scented season and kids are bailing out again next spring, let's have this conversation. But not yet.

Mr. Man, Mr. Man! Over here! The Mud Hens' home opener is tomorrow. I'm so excited! Is this the best sports day of the year in Toledo?

The meteorologists are guessing - oops, I mean they have scientifically determined - that it will be partly sunny and nearly 60 degrees. Not bad. Ol' Answer isn't much for discomfort. It certainly is the best downtown party day of the year.

Hi Answer Man. I see where the Hens' opener is a doubleheader. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Why are they playing two?

Unless Ernie Banks is throwing out both ceremonial first pitches Answer can't fathom why it's a twinbill. But if I had to guess, I think the premise is something like this: If you can buy six beers, three hot dogs, one tray of nachos, a spool of cotton candy, and two boxes of popcorn over nine innings and three hours, then it goes to figure you can buy nine beers, four hot dogs and a burger, two nachos, a diabetic coma's worth of cotton candy, 3.7 popcorns and a bag of peanuts over 14 innings and 5 1/2 hours. So take a designated driver.

Hey, Mr. Know-It-All. Will Tiger Woods ever win another major? Will he be the best golfer in the world again?

Yes and no. He'll win a couple more majors if he regains some confidence with the putter. He missed putts over the weekend at Augusta he'd bury 99 out of 100 times back in the day. But remember, more than anything, Tiger was the best second-shot player in the game. He's messed with his swing so much that may never be the case again.

Answer Dude, Tiger cusses a lot on the course. I wouldn't want him dating my daughter. You agree?

That's the reason you wouldn't want him dating your daughter? OK, one more. You, in the Chief Wahoo cap.

Whew, thanks Mr. Answer. Are my Indians for real? Did they make it nine straight last night? Are they taking playoff ticket orders yet?

Relax, there, son of Geronimo. That's three questions and one answer came in long after A.M.'s bedtime. This starting pitching can't possibly continue. In early June the Tribe plays 14 straight against the Rangers, Twins, Yankees and Tigers. Check back then.

Contact Blade sports columnist Dave Hackenberg at: dhack@theblade.com or 419-724-6398.