Halloween is only days away, and for many of us that's cause for panic. "What will I be? I don't have a costume."
Relax. Here are a few suggestions for some easy-to-make costumes sure to impress:
This involves a team of three, one male and two females to play a father, mother, and daughter. Think dysfunctional and combative, perhaps even a bit disheveled. Look stressed out. The daughter can even wear an orange jail jumpsuit and place some suspicious-looking white powder around her nose. Oh, and don't forget to yell at each other. A lot.
Classic to creepy
Wolfman mask. Monkey mask. Gorilla mask. It doesn't matter what furry face you don when you show up as Garcia Martinez's now disfigured 19th century fresco. You've gone from classic to creepy.
The Honey Boo Boo
Put on a blonde wig, a pink tutu, and let your sass show. This is all about attitude and being slightly obnoxious, yet lovable because you're a fashionably precocious 6-year-old girl with a family straight out of Hee Haw.
The Jersey Shore
Jersey Shore is wrapping up its final season, which means real life is beckoning for its cast, and not 14 minutes too soon. To stress that point, make a minute clock that counts down to 15 — wear it Flavor Flav-style on your chest — with its hands pointed at 14 minutes and 59 seconds. The Jersey Shore group can be substituted for a variety of fading celebrities (Amanda Bynes), and really anyone with a reality show named after them.
Perhaps my favorite, this involves wearing a suit and tie, a really bad blond male wig, and a lot of scowling and pursed lips. Bonus points if you remind everyone how you are No. 1 at everything in life. Super bonus points if you're a bouncer dressed as Trump, who then denies every patron's photo ID as a fake.
The Meryl Streep
We all know Streep is the master actor who can play anything. So take her up on the task. This costume will allow you to dress as almost anything: a box, a vase, a fish — whatever you can up with, Streep can pull it off. Also make sure to include a faux Oscar statue, if you can, for more realism.
Contact Kirk Baird at firstname.lastname@example.org or 419-724-6734.