Two points,
Four points,
Six points,
Eight!
Not much longer now to wait
To see which poll has called it best,
So a weary nation
Might get its rest.
A horse race now,
Down to the wire.
And if we're lucky,
We won't get mired
In the aftermath of this -
The election! -
Our every-four-years
National introspection.
“He's dumb!”
“Well, he's wooden!”
We are sooo thoughtful.
(The nation's survival
Sometimes seems doubtful.)
We tell the pollsters
Just what we crave:
A leader with brains,
Who's not much depraved.
But, failing that,
We guess maybe we'll settle
For the economic policy
That seems the most credible.
Or, a Nice Guy.
That'd be good.
Someone who makes us
Feel “understood.”
A brother, an uncle.
Someone like that.
Someone who looks right
In an old fishing cap.
Yes, a horse race now,
Right down to the wire.
They're rounding
The home stretch.
We're excited!
Inspired!
But wait -
Those aren't horses
Racing right at us.
They're donkeys or mules or -
Great big jackasses!
Yup, here they come now,
Them beasts they're a-flyin'
They're moving so fast,
Can't tell if they're lyin'.
Two points,
Four points,
Six points,
Eight!
Not much longer now to wait
Till there's no more use
For big-time words
Like “obfuscate”
And “bloviate.”
Still, when all is
Said and done,
We're a wee bit sorry
For the end of this run
Since, after tomorrow,
This much is true:
Late-night talk hosts
Will be kinda blue.
Yes, Decision 2000
Is finally here.
Tonight,
Nader and Buchanan
Get to drink beer.
But the rest of the country,
We'll put our feet up
Glad for commercials
That say only:
“Wazzzzzup?”
We've been wooed
And courted day after day.
It's certainly time
That we have our say.
So go off and vote now -
It's the American way.
Roberta de Boer's column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays,
and Saturdays. Email her at roberta@theblade.com or call 1-419-724-6086.