Democrats' family feud sounds like unreality TV

1/12/2006

What's taking so long? The Lucas County Democratic party - such as it is - offers everything prime-time television needs for new programming.

Dysfunctional family?

Check.

Family tension?

Check.

Divided loyalties?

Check.

Intrigue and backstabbing?

Check.

Drama. Comedy. Reality TV. Educational TV.

Take your pick - any could work.

Coming soon to C-Span! A Meeting Between the Lucas County Democratic Party and the State Party Democratic Chairman, starring various politicians as themselves.

Synopsis: Local Democrats gather for a stern talking-to by the party's state leader, who says "unite, or else."

Coming soon on NBC! The A Team, starring Chris "Mr. D." Redfern.

Synopsis: A team of unstoppable enforcers travels across the northwest Ohio landscape, looking to step in wherever they find law and order are in short supply.

In the pilot episode, the team intervenes in a dispute that's ripping the very heart out of one of the county's long-time political "families."

Coming soon to CBS! CSI: Toledo, starring Chris Redforensic.

Synopsis: A state investigator will stop at nothing to excavate the truth, no matter how deeply it's buried. In the pilot episode, Redforensic arrives at blood-spattered crime scene and doggedly makes his way toward a pile of near-dead bodies that, incredibly, continue to claw at one another.

Coming soon to ABC! Extreme Home Makeover! starring Chris Redpennington.

Synopsis: A team of craftsmen tries to beat the clock, totally gutting a needy family's dilapidated residence to create the kind of dream home these poor people could never have even imagined. In the pilot episode, Redpennington and his crew scramble to put an addition big enough for one, big happy family.

Coming soon to the Country Music Channel! Kin, starring Chris "Pappy" Redfern.

Synopsis: One big ol' unruly country clan needs the strength and wisdom of its wise elder. In the pilot episode, "Pappy" gives a much-needed show of force by whippin' the young'uns.

Coming soon to Fox! The Dems, starring Chris "Daddy Dem" Redfern.

Synopsis: This sitcom features a loveable, zany family, headed by a big lunk of a dad. In the pilot episode (as in all episodes) mischievous high jinks on the part of The Kids give Mrs. Dem and "Daddy" reason to gather the family around the supper table and remind everyone just how much love their split-level house really holds.

Coming soon to The WB! Xtreme Politicks!!! starring Kriss "The Dude" Redphern.

Synopsis: Each week, this reality show takes an A Team and a B Team, and pits them against one another in the most Xtreme wheeling and dealing ever seen in smoke-filled backrooms of political power.

In the pilot episode, both teams struggle to win this week's challenge - not devouring their own.