Loading…
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Current Weather
Loading Current Weather....
Published: Tuesday, 7/24/2007

Is proposal for art loans heaven sent?

SETTING: Heaven

CHARACTERS: Angel No. 1 and Angel No. 2

TIME: Present-day eternity (c'mon, it's Heaven )

Angel No. 1 leans over the edge of a fluffy cloud, peering down at all the earthly goings-on, and is soon joined by Angel No. 2.

A2: G'morning! What sector you looking at down there?

A1: Oh, hello! I have my eye on the northwest Ohio area. Actually, something kinda interesting's popped up around Toledo.

A2: Really? Something interesting? In Toledo? Do tell.

A1: Seems this upstart youngster politician down there wants to give out low-interest loans to the locals.

A2: What's so interesting about that? All sorts of places give out loans. Take those micro-loans, for instance. That's where they give small loans to entrepreneurs and -

A1: No, no, no. Nothing like that. This is a new program to lend people money to buy art.

A2: Art?

A1: Yeah. Art!

A2: Ya mean, "art" as in, pretty pictures and stuff?

A1: Yeah. Pictures and paintings, and sculptures, and fine-art photography and, well, all kinda stuff like that.

Angel No. 2 is quiet for a moment, lost in thought. Angel No. 1, meanwhile, keeps peering over the cloud's edge to monitor the situation below. Finally, the heavenly silence is broken.

A2: You know, I never exactly kept it a secret that in my earthly life I was an engineer. So maybe I don't know much about these kinds of things, but

A1: But what?

A2: Well, I don't wanna sound uncultured or uncouth anything like that, but, um, exactly what's the point?

A1: Whadya mean, "what's the point"? Are you kidding me? How long you been up here, anyway? Down there nowadays, it's all about using high culture as a tool for economic development. Don't you read the monthly Earth Update Memos?

A2: Well, like I said, I was an engineer

A1: That's no excuse. Cripes, now all the engineers work for Google! They all expect high culture the way we used to expect free office parking.

A2: They don't have free office parking anymore?

A1: Stay on point, wouldya? Truth is, they don't actually make too many things in America anymore, so what they're mostly interested in manufacturing nowadays is "cool."

A2: But but they already had air conditioning when I was down there!

A1: No, no, no! Not "cool." More like "cooool." Hip. Swingin'. Dig? And that calls for art.

A2: Well, like I said, I was an engineer: I don't understand these things. I'm just glad I'm dead now, is all.

The Angels fall back into an amiable silence interrupted only by muted, piped-in harp music. Soon Angel No. 1 begins the involuntary flapping of wings that, in Heaven, signals angelic joy.

A2: What? Whadya see now?

A1: Oooh! An INTERESTING sculpture! I think it's made of smelted paper clips, and it seems to represent cross-species ennui as manifested by a veneer of dripping pig blood. MOST provocative!

A2: Well, I don't know much about "art," but I know it when I see it - and, personally, I'm looking for that "Painter of Light" fella. He live in Toledo? And what's the interest rate on those loans, anyway?



Guidelines: Please keep your comments smart and civil. Don't attack other readers personally, and keep your language decent. If a comment violates these standards or our privacy statement or visitor's agreement, click the "X" in the upper right corner of the comment box to report abuse. To post comments, you must be a Facebook member. To find out more, please visit the FAQ.

Points of Interest