According to Cicely Saunders, founder of the modern hospice movement, “Spiritual suffering is the least diagnosed cause of pain.” And, among the most predominant contributors to that pain – at the end of life or anytime – is the lack of forgiveness.
Considered to be the “common cold” of suffering, forgiveness of self, others and God is important work to be done at any stage of life.
Forgiveness is a concept that is held up as an ideal across all religions. Yet, it plagues many people until the day they die. Studies show that unforgiving persons have a much greater tendency to suffer from depression, paranoia, anxiety, psychosomatic disorders and heart disease. And, at the end of life, unresolved forgiveness issues – whether the patient needs to forgive or be forgiven – can cause great unrest and suffering.
What Forgiveness Is … and Isn’t
- Forgiveness is a voluntary response to the wrongs and hurts of the past and is more about the transformation of the forgiver than the act of the offender. It implies letting go of the desire for vengeance and the release of associated negative feelings, such as bitterness and resentment.
- Forgiveness does not imply that the actions of the offender were justified and it does not require the forgiver to act as though “nothing happened.”
- Forgiveness can occur without an ongoing relationship with the offender; reconciliation need not take place.
- The more someone is open to forgiving others, the more he or she can receive forgiveness.
- Forgiveness is a process much like grieving; it usually takes time, contemplation, introspection and a continued desire to ease and eventually reconcile your pain.
Other Forms of Spiritual Pain
Though forgiveness is the most prominent cause of spiritual suffering, there are three other areas which also have great impact on our sense of wellbeing. They are: having meaning and purpose in life; feeling a sense of relatedness to loved ones and our world; and having hope for the best possible life, now.
Counselors and chaplains at Hospice of Northwest Ohio work with each patient and family to identify spiritual pain and work toward forgiveness, if desired.
Adapted from the Sacred Art of Living, Center for Spiritual Formation.
First Published December 21, 2016, 5:00 a.m.