WILLIAM SHATNER: OK, we know he's had a lot more than 15 minutes thanks to his icon status as Star Trek Capt. James T. Kirk, success as a pitchman, and role on Boston Legal. But could Shatner please give up this long-running snark attack on George Takei, you know him as Sulu on Star Trek, for not inviting him to his wedding? Get over it, cap'n. - R.L.
BARRY BONDS: Yeah, he's had a lot more than 15 minutes, too, but it seems like he won't go away. Unlike Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro and all the other bulbous-headed baseball players who got tossed under the steroids bus, the last we heard Bonds was still trying to catch on with someone. He'll probably turn up in training camp with the Kansas City Royals. Please, no. - R.L.
AMERICAN IDOL: It's an easy target that no one who truly appreciates good music can resist, but there's a reason for that: AI rewards mediocrity and makes entertainment out of people who aren't very good. Throw in Simon Cowell's relentless negativity and too-tight T-shirts, and Paula Abdul's increasing vacuousness, and it's a formula that tastes like sour milk. There's a reason the ratings are dropping, folks at Fox. - R.L.
JOE THE PLUMBER: I hate to pick on the local guy, but Samuel Wurzelbacher did this to himself. True, it wasn't his fault that he was dragged into the final presidential debate, as both candidates bandied about his name as a political ploy to reach out to the middle class, but it was Mr. Wurzelbacher's choice to seize the opportunity and leverage it for his 15 minutes as quasi-celebrity du jour. Still, with the election over and Mr. Wurzelbacher's fame meter expired, why do I foresee a reality show in his future? - K.B.
PEOPLE WHO DON'T CONSIDER PRESIDENT-ELECT BARAK OBAMA TO BE OUR LEGAL PRESIDENT: The Earth is round. Man walked on the moon. There is no Bigfoot. Aliens do not walk among us. Oswald acted alone (probably). And Barack Obama is an American citizen. Now please get a life so the rest of us can move on with ours. - K.B.