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Published: Monday, 12/7/2009

Thin Slices smacks Tiger upside the head

"...as human beings we are capable of making sense of situations based on the thinnest slice of experience."

Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink and The Tipping Point.

BUSTED: Tiger Woods admitted that he's had a "transgression" or two Wednesday. Which coincides with all kinds of women coming out of the woodwork to claim they've been more than just friends with the great golfer. There is even a recording of him asking one of them to take her name off her cell phone number. At Thin Slices we try to avoid moralizing, but we have this to say to Tiger: ARE YOU NUTS????? You're giving up your marriage and two kids for a bunch of cocktail waitresses who give interviews to US Weekly and record your calls? What a dope. Tiger's all whiny with the "I'm not perfect" stuff, but we never expected him to be perfect. We just expected him to play fair when it came to presenting a reasonable image of himself. There are no mulligans for this kind of thing. (RL)

THE PLOT THINS: So Rachel Uchitel says flat-out that she and Tiger Woods are not friends, not lovers, they're nothing. OK. She also says you might as well ask her if there are aliens on the earth. And we say: you mean there are not aliens from other other planets??????!!!!!!!!!??????? Say it ain't so. (RL)

HIGH HEELS: Katie Holmes can't catch a break. The Toledo native lets her daughter Suri wear high heels and that's apparently a big deal. Even nuttier, there are people who actually go around asking doctors if this is something that merits criticism for health reasons. Note to world: little girls go through phases where they like to wear high heels. They're clumsy, they're cute, and they give it up after a while. We figure it's safe to say that Katie's not taking Suri for hikes in them. Cut her some slack: by all accounts she's a good mom and that makes her A-OK here at Thin Slices. (RL)

BIG MESS: Want to know how bad things are for Tiger Woods right now? Well, he's getting advice from Charles Barkley to come clean on what happened over the weekend when Tiger ended up bloody and battered after his SUV hit a fire hydrant and tree. Charles, in case you didn't know, is not a paragon of civic virtue. Then there's this headline which pretty much is a clean-cut athlete's worst nightmare: John Daly sympathizes with Tiger Woods plight. If Daly, a notorious carouser who's been in lots of trouble, is sympathizing with you, that's means you're in deep. Then, of course, there's the allegation of an affair. Here's a dishy take on that issue. (RL)

Rod Lockwood


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