Monday, May 28, 2018
One of America's Great Newspapers ~ Toledo, Ohio

Kirk Baird

My gift to you: Black Friday Mixtape

It’s Black Friday. So let the mayhem begin.

As some of you wait hours (if not days) patiently in line to score that off-brand LCD for a few hundred dollars less than priced only two days ago, I offer you music to while away the time until the stores open for business.

This Black Friday Mixtape is meant to inspire you to fight through the madness to locate the best deals, and to survive the crushing monotony of it all.

Just as importantly, this mixtape is a pre-game speech to set the mood and keep you focused on what’s important: being a great holiday consumer.

So play it loud on your headphones and repeat these songs as often necessary.

“I Want it All,” Queen. Yes, the king/queen of radio anthems inadvertently created the perfect tune to scan through circulars and advertisements to find what you need and a chorus to hum as you make your must-buy list.

“Gimme More,” Britney Spears. The pop diva delivered a dance-floor grind for club couples that also, amazingly enough, serves as the spectacular summation of the morning frenzy to come.

“Eye of the Tiger,” Survivor. Because you need a cheesy ’80s movie single about not giving up to get your heart beating in the chill of the a.m., and to motivate you to outfox the competition in the line with you.

“Lost in the Supermarket,” The Clash. Let this serve as a warning to those who are not properly prepared for Black Friday warfare as they enter the gauntlet of savings, and then wander aimlessly through the aisles in search of that elusive bargain. This song can also be paired with U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”

“Shoplifters of the World Unite,” the Smiths. Despite what Morrissey and Co. suggest, shoplifting is a crime, and banding together won’t help. Thus concludes the public service announcement of this mixtape.

“Shopping,” Pet Shop Boys. Face it, it’s cruddy ’80s synth-pop, but the Buy! Buy! Buy! sentiment remains at the heart of today.

“Never Surrender,” Corey Hart. “Just a little more time is all we’re asking for, because just a little more time could open closing doors.” It’s like Hart was channeling today’s spectacle way back in 1985 when he wrote that lyric.

“Thrift Shop,” Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, featuring Wanz. This is a funny reminder that not all great buys are to be found at the big box stores and other major retail outlets.

“Shop Around,” Smokey Robinson & the Miracles. Yes, the original song is preferable to the Captain and Tennille cover. And yes, it’s technically not about people shopping. But apply the same principle from the song’s wise mom to electronic goods and you’ll save even more money.

“Can’t Buy Me Love,” the Beatles. Just a reminder from the Fab Four that cold hard cash won’t buy you the one thing your heart truly wants … unless the price of love has been severely discounted. This is, after all, Black Friday.

Contact Kirk Baird at or 419-724-6734.

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