Beck's 9.12 ‘unifiers' are more comedic than serious

Sign me up for the 10-31 Project. I want to take back my country and stock up on candy at the same time. The call to action, to make right what the left has done wrong, is the brainchild of Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert.

His patriotic effort to reclaim pre-Obama America was inspired by the 9.12 Project crafted by Glenn Beck. The conservative showman's plan is “designed to bring us all back to the place we were on Sept. 12, 2001.”

It has embraced nine principles and 12 values that involve God, country, and Constitution. The comedian's project is “organized around 10 principles, 31 flavors, four seasons, 10 lords a leapin', and 525,600 minutes.”

In a teary-eyed moment, not unlike the crying outbursts of the Fox News host, an emotional Mr. Colbert urged “everyone in this country who is sick of people ordering them around” to do exactly as he tells them to do on Oct. 31. And just like that, a new Tea Party spinoff was born.

Coincidentally, the 10-31 “democratic experience” falls on Halloween. Would-be activists are exhorted to “go from house to house on your block, ring doorbells and demand that your neighbors make a tangible commitment to America, preferably in the form of a sugary treat.”

As a precautionary step, Mr. Colbert suggests fellow patriots disguise themselves as “Wolverine, a sprightly hobo, or a sexy nurse” to fool any of “them” who might be watching — and you know they will be, with porch lights on.

Satire is the only way to stomach the Beck psychosis that passes for populism today.

The right-wing talker would have us believe his neurotic ramblings represent the interests and views of common people. They don't. He claims there are few who disagree with or parody his act and merely seem as if “they surround us from all sides.”

In truth, he boasts to Tea Party fans, “we surround them.” No, it just feels that way in an election year fueled by simmering resentment that seeks an outlet.

Mr. Beck found a way to exploit that rage and build a career on a movement of malcontents. To be fair, the mostly white, upper-middle-class folk drawn to his paranoid shtick are also happy to use what works for them.

They're on a power trip back to the future. Conservative Caucasians don't want their country back as much as they want control back. And who among us, powerless to save our job or home, doesn't bemoan loss of control?

For some, the diminished sense of power became acute when a black president was elected and a Democratic-led Congress set the legislative agenda in Washington. Enter a calculating broadcaster with a buzz cut and grand illusions to be taken seriously.

Mr. Beck crafted a custom-made vehicle for anger management and persuaded right-leaning lemmings with an ax to grind to hop on. Clearly he and his cable TV cohorts tapped a rich vein pulsing with pent-up wrath.

But the hot blood they engendered with apocalyptic rhetoric and rallies is contained, relatively limited to a small demographic of the electorate with a bullhorn — courtesy of Fox News. Although Americans may share fears about financial security and frustrations over a sluggish recovery, it doesn't follow that most share a subjective urge to “take back” America from a nebulous evil.

The generality of grievances and vagueness of purpose hyped by anti-government zealots lose potential sympathizers in the fog. Beyond the patriotic urgency to stand up for liberty, the Constitution, Mom, and apple pie, where — to borrow from a classic commercial — is the beef?

Besides launching a fusillade of baseless assertions against those in power, such as “the left is attempting to destroy our heritage, and the current administration is marching us toward radical and unconstitutional reforms,” what is the point of the hysteria, other than to arouse needless panic in conservatives?

Mr. Beck's 9.12 Project purports to re-create the sentiment of unity Americans felt after the terrorist attacks on 9/11. Really? How is solidarity served by driving a manufactured wedge between those who are determined to move forward with the hard work of progress and those who are deluded into believing the end is nigh if we don't go backward?

Fighting a dark and stormy plot by socialist commies, masquerading as duly elected leaders scheming to undermine all that is sacred, is better suited to comedic treatment than cogent debate. Mr. Colbert's faux counterculture response to Mr. Beck's movement on Halloween would be frightening if it weren't so funny.

Sign me up.

Marilou Johanek is a Blade commentary writer.

Contact her at: mjohanek@theblade.com