Sunday, May 27, 2018
One of America's Great Newspapers ~ Toledo, Ohio


Now's time to decide this rhyme

Two points,

Four points,

Six points,


Not much longer now to wait

To see which poll has called it best,

So a weary nation

Might get its rest.

A horse race now,

Down to the wire.

And if we're lucky,

We won't get mired

In the aftermath of this -

The election! -

Our every-four-years

National introspection.

“He's dumb!”

“Well, he's wooden!”

We are sooo thoughtful.

(The nation's survival

Sometimes seems doubtful.)

We tell the pollsters

Just what we crave:

A leader with brains,

Who's not much depraved.

But, failing that,

We guess maybe we'll settle

For the economic policy

That seems the most credible.

Or, a Nice Guy.

That'd be good.

Someone who makes us

Feel “understood.”

A brother, an uncle.

Someone like that.

Someone who looks right

In an old fishing cap.

Yes, a horse race now,

Right down to the wire.

They're rounding

The home stretch.

We're excited!


But wait -

Those aren't horses

Racing right at us.

They're donkeys or mules or -

Great big jackasses!

Yup, here they come now,

Them beasts they're a-flyin'

They're moving so fast,

Can't tell if they're lyin'.

Two points,

Four points,

Six points,


Not much longer now to wait

Till there's no more use

For big-time words

Like “obfuscate”

And “bloviate.”

Still, when all is

Said and done,

We're a wee bit sorry

For the end of this run

Since, after tomorrow,

This much is true:

Late-night talk hosts

Will be kinda blue.

Yes, Decision 2000

Is finally here.


Nader and Buchanan

Get to drink beer.

But the rest of the country,

We'll put our feet up

Glad for commercials

That say only:


We've been wooed

And courted day after day.

It's certainly time

That we have our say.

So go off and vote now -

It's the American way.

Roberta de Boer's column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays,

and Saturdays. Email her at or call 1-419-724-6086.

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