Ooops. Shoulda seen all this coming.
Last week, I invited readers to enter my Not At All Serious Mayoral Slogan contest. This was premised on the creeping realization that, so far, the mayor's race has been - oh, how to put this? - soporific. But judging by the entries I've been taking in, it's a dull race no more.
Not that you'll ever know this. See, you'll never see the really good entries, because they're all too obscene or too libelous to print. Yeah, you should feel cheated. They were f-u-n-n-y!
But don't worry. We're still left with sufficient amusement.
By the way, 40 percent of the slogans were for incumbent Mayor Jack Ford, while 60 percent were for challenger Carty Finkbeiner.
Is one easier to mock than the other? And would that mean anything? Read into all this whatever you like
JACK FORD SLOGANS:
From Californian (and former Toledoan) Larry Hawkins: "Jack, we hardly know ye."
And Don Connolly, of Toledo, suggests: "When a Lincoln Is Needed, We Get a Ford."
Several entries came in from Ms. Zarich's 8th-period journalism class at Notre Dame Academy, including this: "If You're Voting For Carty, You Don't Know Jack."
From John Kirkbride: "Let Silent Jack Be Your Spokesman."
Toledoan Steve Koop offers this: "Four More Yearzzzz."
Joe Pflager, of Maumee, goes with: "Lethargy. It's What We Do."
From Larry Hollstein, Curtice: "If You're Tired of Your Ford, Put Your Goods In a Cart(y)."
Toledoan Carol Wisniewski's slogan? "If You Want To See Change In Toledo's Economy, Dump Jack Now."
And Cathy Townsend goes all out with this one: "Endorsed by the Toledo Sleep Disorders Center."
From someone who signed off simply as Dale: "Jack Ford Gets Things Done But Only At The 11th Hour".
And last but not least, from Dawn Wilczynski: "Jack Ford: Toledo Has Gone Four Years Without a Mayor - Why Does It Need One Now?"
CARTY FINKBEINER SLOGANS:
Carol Wisniewski comes up with: "Carty: The Lesser Of Two Evils? At Least You Will Know You Have A Mayor!"
Maumee's Joe Pflager, meanwhile, assumes we're familiar with the abbreviation for attention deficit disorder and suggests: "Make ADD Work For You - Vote Carty!"
Peggy Szalkowski got all worked up and came up with several slogans for Carty, only three of which I dare print: "Await The Second Coming!" "Carty Gets Things Confused!" "New And Improved!"
And from Ron Coffman, a play on the candidate's actual campaign slogan: "Carty Gets Even!"
Toledoan Cathy Townsend offers two versions on a theme: "Toledo: Everything Old Is New Again." "Carty - The Retro Candidate!"
And this, from Steve Koop: "Vote For Carty Or He'll Come Over And Kick Your #^%@&%!!!"
And, ending with the guy whose Ford entry we listed first, here's Larry Hawkins' suggestion for a Carty slogan: "I Tried 'Real' Work, But Didn't Like It."