Memo to: Ben Konop
From: All of us
Re: 21st Century Unigov
We read all about your latest venture yesterday. It reminds us that it s spring when a young man s fancy turns to committees.
Oh, how glorious, to be a young and newly elected politician so full of vigor and enthusiasm and new ideas.
We salute you! No, I mean that.
In yesterday s Blade, readers learned of your determination to bring us the change that is regionalism.
Mr. Konop is still stuck on the subject of change, yesterday s story reported, and said last week that political changes are what Lucas County residents crave.
Ben. Ben, Ben, Ben Dear, sweet, lovely Ben.
If people around here crave change so almighty much, why do we tend to do the same old things the same old way, over and over and over? And, more to the point, why do we keep electing Carty?
But, hey, you know what? I m giving you the benefit of the doubt.
After all, you re the guy who went out there and campaigned. You re the guy who, week after week, listened to the voice of the people. You could be right. We might crave change.
Accordingly, you have taken the bold step of forming a committee.
Quoting again from this newspaper:
He s assembled a group of area politicians and academics, as well as business and labor leaders to engage in a series of meetings this summer to determine exactly what governmental practices should be changed to best benefit Lucas County in the 21st century.
Ben, you ever see that movie, Grosse Point Blank? It s one of the finest workplace satires I ve ever seen. It s got John Cusack as Martin, a contract hit man.
Anyway, Ben, there s this great scene where Martin is in a gun battle with another hit man (played by Dan Aykroyd), who wants the unwilling Martin to join an Assassins Union.
In between the gunplay, Martin shouts something like this to the assassin: There gonna be meetings?
Of course! he s told.
No meetings! Martin shouts, and resumes firing.
Do you see the wisdom here, Ben?
No more meetings! Especially not in Toledo which, when you come right down to it, must be the commission/committee/task force capitol of the Midwest! You want to know what our obit will read like after we die, Ben? Here it is:
Toledo, Ohio, died yesterday. The coroner ruled the death accidental, and said it resulted from of an overdose of meetings.
Stop the madness!
I know you mean well, Ben. Heck, we all know. And we appreciate it. Really we do. But, Geez Louise, I mean just look at some of your committee members!
To glean NEW IDEAS FOR GOVERNMENT, you invite people like an ex-mayor of Toledo from two decades ago (!!), and a former county commissioner from back when K-Cars roamed the Earth?
Not that these aren t nice people, mind you. But if you insist on these committees, gosh, maybe a few unexpected faces are in order.