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Opinion

Celebrating 'The Holiday' in U.S. style

November 13, 2022

Dear Grandma Roberta,

Thanks so much for the new Forearm-Embedded Personal Screen!!!

I am definitely the first kid in sixth grade to have her very own FEPS system, discreetly inserted subcutaneously on the underside of my upper forearm - wow!!!!

Mom says I can get it put in as soon as our neighborhood FEPS Installation Clinic has an open appointment date, so we're gonna call and set one up as soon as The Holiday is over. Mom says installation doesn't really hurt. She said it's like when the vet put in Rover's chip.

Just think: Now I can always be online, either watching entertainment (what'd you guys call that? "TV" or something, right?) or doing my homework, or going to my study sessions, or even just watching my avatar.

Grandma, The Holiday this year is the best EVER - thanks!

Hey, that reminds me. Dad told me that when you and Grandpa were kids, they didn't even have The Holiday. Is that true? Or is Dad just kidding me again?

(Like he did that time he tried to tell me Southwyck Minimum Security Complex Inc. was once a shopping mall before it was a prison. Riiight. Like I'd fall for that )

Anyway, really, Grandma? Is that true? That they didn't have The Holiday back in olden times when you were little? Mom even said that's true!

She said it all started changing back when she was still your little girl. She said she remembers Halloween when it was its very own holiday, and it was sort of like the kick-off for the rest of the winter holidays.

Labor Day, Ramadan, Halloween, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Christmas, New Year's, and the Super Bowl were separate holidays?

Wow!!!

Mom bet me a Snickers that you even know what The Holiday is short for. She says (my American History textbook microchip said so too!) that when it first began, The Holiday was called "LPOTS," which stood for "Lowest Price of the Season." But Mom said LPOTS was clunky, so people started calling the time between early September and early February "The Holiday."

Oh, I just LOVE The Holiday, don't you, Grandma? I can't imagine what it must have been like not to have a whole half-year period of sale-abration!

Anyway, Grandma, here we are smack in the middle of The Holiday, and I just wanted to say "thank you" for the terrific gift.

I sure hope you have a great The Holiday too. Mom said an old-fashioned letter would make you happy, but if you check your FEPS system, you'll see me singing a seasonal carol just for you!

Have a merry LaborRamOweenVetGivingHannuMasYearBowl sale-abration, Grandma!

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