I obtained the list of applicants for BG s head coaching position this morning, and I d advise you to relax because only a handful of these guys wouldn t be considered among the field if Vegas were to provide odds on who wins this thing. Generally speaking, the guys who end up getting hired as head coaches are contacted by the university, not the other way around. That s what search firms are hired to do. In other words, names like Matt Eberflus, Luke Fickell and Dan Mullen aren t gonna be listed.
Couple things before we get started. I did not get to see resumes, only names. Also, I didn t make it past the second page of a Google search when researching the applicants. If I couldn t find any info on a guy I assumed he was a hack and moved on.
To make this procedure reasonably entertaining I elected to break the candidates down by division based on what I believe their chances are of getting a face-to-face interview with Greg Christopher.
Hopefully you sent your resume electronically. Postage ain t cheap these days:
-Tracy Hart. Michigan State had a defensive back in 1999 by this name, but I have no idea if this is the same dude. Hell, can we even confirm whether this is a dude?
-Constantine Kaklis. A Google search yielded so many entries of different people with this name that I didn t even know where to begin.
Don t know you either. Perhaps you should have included your middle initial to differentiate yourself.
Would be similar to me applying for the head columnist position at the NY Times:
-Anthony Buchanan. Defensive line coach at Johnson C. Smith University; Has also coached at Tennessee Tech
-Christopher Howell. Head coach of Sky View High School, which after five minutes of researching I determined is somewhere in Wyoming
-Cleveland Pratt. Member of the all-time football team at Edinboro. I can t verify that he has ever coached.
These resumes are stained by a ring from Christopher s coffee cup:
-John Banaszak. Assistant coach at Robert Morris; Three-time Super Bowl champion with Pittsburgh
-Michael Donnelly. Winningest coach at Muhlenberg College
-Robert Wells. Head coach at Savannah State
This guy could be looking for a job after Wednesday:
-Ryan Autullo. Fullback on freshman team at St. Joseph Central Catholic in 1999
Would help their marketability if they created a Wikipedia page for themselves:
-Henry Frazier. Head coach at Prairie View A&M
-Bill Maskill. Winningest coach at Midwestern State University
Shouldn t expect a Thanks, but no thanks phone call unless Christopher s mobile plan includes anytime minutes:
-Dale Carlson. Head coach at Ohio Dominican
-Paul Winters. Wayne State s head coach the past five years; previously the offensive coordinator at Akron and an assistant in the late 80s at Toledo
Long-haired freaky people need not apply:
-Michael Wherley, aka Falcon Freak
Call us if you ever need tickets to a game, but you re not what we re looking for:
-Martin Bayless. BGSU graduate; Assistant coach with the Houston Texans from 2006-07; 13-year career in the NFL
Hey, the player/coach situation could work at the college level:
Will it ruin the joke if I say I m only kidding? Probably, but it s for the best.
May have been contaminated at his most recent stop:
-Mitch Browning. Offensive coordinator at Syracuse this past year; Previously an assistant at Minnesota, Kent State, Miami (Ohio), North Carolina and Ohio State
Sure, you can stop in for an interview but it s on your dime:
-Rick Minter. Defensive coordinator at Marshall; Previously the defensive coordinator at Notre Dame and the head coach at the University of Cincinnati
-Mark McHale. Offensive line coach at Florida State; An assistant at Marshall for a while before then
Will keep you in mind should this position open in the future:
-Dan Enos. Running backs coach at Michigan State; A four-year letterwinner for the Spartans.
Will your family be accompanying you when you fly here for the interview?:
-Mike Schultz. TCU s offensive coordinator the past 11 years; Considered a prolific recruiter.