Gym shower a problem for guys

Dear Straight Talk: I am writing about communal showers from a guy's point of view. They have ruined my life. At least girls can admit feeling nervous about showering, but guys consider it a macho thing. Any guy who avoids taking showers is labeled a wimp or gay, so you don't have much choice but to shower even if the PE coach isn't strict - although most are strict as part of their macho thing. I felt the same embarrassment the girls wrote about, but it caused a problem no girl has to face. It caused me to get erections. Everybody started saying I was gay. However, I'm not gay, it was just a reaction to the embarrassment and I stopped getting them after a few months. That was two years ago but the label persists. When I say I'm not gay, they say, "Then who's your girlfriend?" and laugh. Girls want nothing to do with me and I don't have any guy friends either because they get labeled as gay. If anybody has advice, I would like to hear it. - Anonymous

Peter, 23: This will only ruin your life if you let it. The truth is, guys in high school get erections all the time, pretty much at the drop of a hat or a gentle breeze. You were probably picked on to draw attention from these guys' own perceived flaws. High school lasts all of four years, then you never have to see anyone again. Learning who you are in spite of being ridiculed is a good lesson. Everyone digs confidence. As you get better at it, people will be attracted to you.

Matt, 16: Everyone knows you're probably not gay. But when their comments bother you, they control you. Use humor or turn the tables toward their "unusual interest" in your erection from two years ago.

Leif, 21: A direct response probably won't solve the problem. Build a social life outside school around a hobby or talent and develop self-confidence that way. Then people at school will notice that you don't care what they say anymore - and those who matter may start to actually see you.

Geoff, 25: I promise you there are rare girls who see through rumors. But most teens are so stuck on the stories they have invented about each other (he's lame, she's gay, etc.), they couldn't see reality if it hit them broadside. So don't burn out trying to prove anything; besides, what you resist persists. Do your best, make friends as you can, and head to college where high school dramas are left behind.

Scot, 23: I'm no stranger to people thinking mistakenly that I'm gay. But nobody cares in college. Switching schools seems extreme, but you could take college courses or join off-campus organizations to meet new people.

Michael, 18: What a fluke. It's not unlike guys to have spontaneous erections. I hope you can step back and see that kids who spread false rumors are dealing with insecurities themselves. If you can hold the truth of who you are inside, you'll be light years ahead of the people putting you down.

FROM LAUREN:

Dear Anonymous: You aren't the only boy who has written us about this. I hope our advice is useful. I also hope it inspires already-popular boys to tell guys like these to shut up. Just one popular person taking the high road can be game-changing.

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