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Published: Monday, 7/23/2007

Invasion of Killer Hornets? The Apocalypse? Oh -- A Jet Ski!


6 AM

I thought about a lot of things over my summer vacation. Even came to a number of conclusions about some of these things. Case in point:

If I had to pick just one object to epitomize the American way of life at the start of this new century, it wouldn t take me long to choose.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present: The Jet Ski.

Has there ever been a more pointless machine? Let us count the ways in which it so very brilliantly represents modern the American life.

The jet ski:

1) is recreational, not useful

2) is, by design, a wanton waste of fuel

3) is noisy to the point of obnoxious

4) mechanizes the otherwise natural experience of being on water

5) is frequently driven in useless, wasteful, noisy, tranquility-busting, pointless, sweeping circles.

The jet ski: An expensive toy with no real purpose.

It s perfect for America circa 2007.

(If I sound overly cranky, it s because even weeks afterward I still resent being roused from a perfectly delicious afternoon nap by a whining, buzzing jet ski.)

I wonder what Thoreau would have done had Walden Pond been overrun by jet skiis ?

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