For Toledo region's war widows, each day is a Memorial Day

Messer NOT BLADE PHOTO Enlarge

Margo Belkofer, right, is the wife of Lt. Col. Thomas Belkofer, left, one of five soldiers killed in Afghanistan when enemy forces attacked their convoy with an explosive device. Thomas Belkofer, left, Margo Belkofer, right. Enlarge

Amie Messer remembers any time their little one misplaces something, just as her husband used to.

Anne Barrientos remembers when their children practice Tae Kwon Do, an activity her husband hailed for the self-discipline.

Margo Belkofer remembers her husband every time that she talks to God.

Their husbands' names are among the 1,000 Americans killed in Afghanistan and the 4,400 killed in Iraq since 2003. At least 29 of all those are military from northwest Ohio and southeast Michigan.

Americans remember today. These women remember every day.

Mrs. Messer falls apart when she sees a soldier in camouflage.

It's a reminder of what her husband, Army Sgt. Christopher P. Messer, was wear-ing when he was killed by an improvised explosive device near Baghdad in 2006.

She was still settling into their new, custom-built home in Monroe County's Raisinville Township when she last heard from her husband five days before he was killed.

"He said, 'I love you. I'll talk to you tomorrow,'•" Mrs. Messer, 34, recalled. "It was odd. He had never said that before. He never knew when he could call."

He died on Dec. 27 - their third wedding anniversary.

Sergeant Messer decided to enlist after 9/11. Assigned to take the wheel of a tank, he handed out pens and small toys to the Iraqi children who would run along the U.S. military convoys. He was moved by the hardships their families faced, his wife said.

He had already served four years in the Army when he learned that he would deploy to Iraq for the second time. The 28-year-old was due out in February and hoped to enroll in college to pursue a career in law enforcement.

"It's still hard for me," she said. "I can't even listen to the national anthem without crying."

Though their daughter was still sleeping in a crib decorated with her daddy's picture when he was killed, Skyle, now 6, seems to have inherited his trademark sense of humor and some of his habits. Both habitually misplace important things just before they walk out the door, Mrs. Messer said, laughing.

"We always tried to keep him in her head," Mrs. Messer said.

Mrs. Messer's father organizes a motorcycle ride to remember the sergeant and to raise money for the families of other fallen and wounded soldiers. The second annual event will roll out at 2 p.m. Aug. 7 from the Heck Park Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Monroe.

The tears still come.

Mrs. Messer generally prefers to avoid military events but recently traveled to Fort Hood, Texas, to meet the family of a soldier killed during the same attack. It also helps to remind Skyle often that her father was brave and proud to serve his country, Mrs. Messer said.

"I'm doing pretty well," she said. "Things get easier every day. I still miss him a lot, and I'm sure I always will."

Anne Barrientos always knew the father of her six children had a calling.

Army Sgt. 1st Class Daniel E. Miller, 43, grew up playing soldier and dreaming about a military career. Raised almost 200 miles apart, they met during a high school theater convention hosted in her native Rossford.

He wrote her letters when he joined the National Guard after high school, and their friendship became a romance. She was 19 when they married in 1985. It was little surprise when he decided to enlist about 18 months after they married.

"He was a born soldier," Mrs. Barrientos, 45, said. "It's hard for me to complain because some people are meant to be in the military and he was one of them. It's their personality. It's everything they love. He would tell people, as corny as it sounds, he joined to serve his country."

He was killed when his Humvee overturned near Herat, Afghanistan, in August, 2007. He deployed on a police mentorship team on what was to be his last tour of duty before retirement. He hoped to go on to mentor young soldiers in the ROTC.

He could have avoided the mission.

"Good soldiers don't do that. That's what they train their whole lives for," his widow said.

The last phone call came unusually late on a Thursday evening. He called just to say he loved her.

She dreamed that night that he was dead. She believes the nightmare woke her about the time he passed, which is something she now considers a spiritual experience meant to prepare her for the news she would hear the next morning.

"My faith, of course, labored for a little bit, but it's done nothing but get stronger ever since," Mrs. Barrientos said.

It hasn't been easy. The youngest of their six was born two days after his arrival in Afghanistan.

She credits the support of family and her Catholic faith as carrying her through the loss.

Now remarried, she continues to instill in her children the values her first husband learned from the military. Their 12-year-old son was recently selected as a leader in his Boy Scout troop, and their oldest wears a military bracelet engraved for her father. The older children also participate in martial arts, an activity Sergeant Miller hoped would promote self discipline.

"He really liked the Tae Kwon Do master we take the kids to," Mrs. Barrientos said. "He didn't cut them any slack. He has high expectations of them. No excuses."

Margo Belkofer and her husband should have celebrated their 18th wedding anniversary. Instead, hundreds gathered Saturday to celebrate his life.

Army Lt. Col. Thomas Belkofer, 44, of Perrysburg Township, was one of five officers killed when a suicide bomber attacked their convoy near Kabul May 18. He was there for a training exercise to prepare for a longer deployment in October.

The couple met while volunteering at a football concession stand for the ROTC program at Bowling Green State University in 1989.

She'd seen him around campus before. She thought he was cute.

"I remember it was really cold and windy. He let me borrow his gloves," she said.

Their first date was a formal military event on campus. On her 22nd birthday, just over a year later, he put a ring in her wine glass at dinner.

The wedding plans were for midsummer, until Mrs. Belkofer learned she was to report for active duty in early May. She returned from officer training for their wedding May 29.

"Memorial Day weekend was always really special to me. Now, it's even more special. It will always have a special place in my heart," she said.

Most of the first year was spent apart, with Lieutenant Colonel Belkofer stationed in Texas and Mrs. Belkofer in Oklahoma. She left the military after the birth of their second daughter.

Lieutenant Colonel Belkofer most recently worked as a comptroller in the Army, managing the finances and resources of his unit. His Christian faith led his actions at work and home daily, Mrs. Belkofer said.

Like Sergeant Miller, Lieutenant Colonel Belkofer was looking forward to retirement. He also dreamed of an ROTC post, perhaps at Ohio State University.

Their last conversation was brief.

"It was, literally, 'Hey, gotta go. See ya in two weeks,'•" she said.

Though the news of his death was a shock, Mrs. Belkofer is taking comfort in the knowledge that he was at peace.

"He had no fear of dying because of his faith," Mrs. Belkofer said.

Mrs. Belkofer said her own Christian faith has helped her push past anger and questions of "why." She is confident that this experience will prepare her to help others in her situation.

"I know that's the plan God has for me. I can use my story and my faith," she said.

Contact Bridget Tharp at:

btharp@theblade.com

or 419-724-6086.